An Open Letter to Running Fitspiration

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Why I Run

Why I Run

I am sick of it.  I am so totally over it and sick of it. I don’t want to hear about how blessed you are to be out running.  I don’t want to hear about how spiritual your run is.  I don’t want to hear about how running is your form of therapy.  And don’t you DARE tell me how the runner’s high is your drug of choice.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a runner.  And I love running.  But this zen nonsense is just getting to be obnoxious.  So while you’re out discovering yourself and training for a big PR on your long run – let me tell you why *I* run.

I run because chocolate is friggin’ delicious.

I run because I was sick of my back fat sticking out of my jeans when I sat down in a chair.

I run because there are millions of cupcakes to be eaten and I want to try them all.

I run because unfortunately, Netflix marathons don’t allow me to binge eat pizza and not get fat.

I run because the older I get, the lower these saddle bags hang.

I run because I love beer and I want to be able to drink as much as possible without getting the dreaded belly associated with it.

I run because I can eat a loaf of bread and a wheel of cheese and I don’t have to go to the plus sized section of the store.

I run because God made bacon and it would be a crime to let the noble pig that died for my breakfast go uneaten.

The truth is I get no spiritual release out of running. I absolutely hate running while I’m doing it, but I love all the things it lets me do.  I have never had a runner’s high, but I’ve certainly enjoyed the afterglow of a bucket of chicken and a slice of cake, and that is kind of the same thing.  So, you can keep your fitspirational running quotes and your expensive running gear.  I’m going to go slugglishly drag my butt through another 12 miles today and then eat a massive vat of spaghetti and meatballs in bed while catching up on Orange is the New Black.

I guess you could say I’m #blessed.


The Rest of Us Runners


Author:  Audrey Slade

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